3 months.

I’m laying in bed, it’s currently 3:45am as I write this. I picked up my phone and decided to do one thing I haven’t been able to bring myself to do for the last 3 months – I called my big brothers phone. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know what I was going to hear. When I heard the voice on the other end, of an automatic message saying that the phone number had been disconnected, that’s when it hit me. There is nobody on the other side of the phone anymore.

My big brother, would always be one to answer his phone when I would call. He would always pick up with his deep voice saying “hello” or “what’s up” – he never left me go to voicemail.

There are days where it still doesn’t seem real. Was it all just a terrible nightmare? Will I wake up and he still be here? Will he show up at the house one day or will I get a phone call or text message with his name on it? Then it hits me, this is reality. The days of sitting in the hospital holding his hand for hours, talking to him in hope that he could hear me, joking around with him because that’s what he would’ve wanted, that’s what he would’ve done himself. It was all real.

I pray to my big brother every single night. I listen to his heartbeat every single night. Every single day, when I am faced with a situation – I always ask myself “what would mike do? what would he want me to do?” He always gave me advice when he was here, and I’ll never stop taking advice from him.

Never in a million years would I have imagined my family being faced with something like this. I would always think “I can’t imagine if something like that happened to my family.” Now I know. I know what it feels like to not be able to sleep at night. I know what it feels like to be so angry at the world. I know what it feels like to feel like you have lost everything. I know what it feels like to cry until you physically cannot cry anymore. I know what it feels like to have your heart break inside of you. I would never wish that feeling, the feeling I still face every single day – on even my worst enemy. Grief is an undeniable and unmeasurable thing. When it’s there, you can’t shove it away like it doesn’t exist – because it will only cause more pain. There is no wrong or right amount of time to grieve. It has been 3 months but I promise you I will grieve the loss and at the same time honor the memory of my big brother, my best friend for my entire life.

I love you. I miss you. Don’t ever let those beautiful angel wings of yours stop flying.

💓👼🏼

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June Blogging Prompt | Day Twenty Nine & Thirty

Tips For Capturing Vacation Memories?

I will do three things.

Take pictures.

Live in the moment.

Write about it!

Favorite Iphone Apps?

Snapchat

Instagram

Pinterest

WordPress

Yelp

Youtube

Twitter

& A Horoscope App because I’m into all that!

June Blogging Prompt | Day Twenty Six

Tips For Clothes Shopping Online?

My tips that I have, is to always by a size up. You never know if they will be too small, and honestly – most of the time if it turns out to be even a little too big, they can always shrink a little in the wash or dryer.

Also, sales can be your best friend – or also your worst nightmare. Just really watch out and be careful.

June Blogging Prompt | Day Twenty Four

Favorite Summer Blogs To Read?

I don’t have any specifics, but what comes to mind really is any summer recipe blogs. Also vacation blogs, I love hearing about vacations people are going on or have went on – and their experiences. Lastly, I love reading about Summer tips, tricks and hacks. I’m all about those kind of things!! Summer blogs ftw am I right ladies and gents?

June Blogging Prompt | Day Twenty Three

What Images In Your Area Speak To You This Month?

These were taken at the lake we always go to every single Summer to go boating or to swim. They really speak to me a lot, because for one – it made me really excited to go our vacation that is coming up – which we leave for tomorrow!! Also, it really gave me time to think. I lost my brother 2 months ago, and it just makes me realize that life is too short to worry about the little things. Live free, be who you are, and love yourself with every single bone in your body before you don’t have the chance.

June Blogging Prompt | Day Twenty Two

Vacation Packing List & Tips?

My list consist of what any person would have – clothes for the days I am going, a few pairs of shoes, swim suits, accessories, a few things to do on the car ride there (or plane depending on where my destination is), toiletries, and snacks.

Tips, I would say – Try packing what you would absolutely need. Also, roll instead of fold!! That is definitely a lifesaver in any situation and believe it or not it will save you so much more room in the long run for whatever else you would like to bring to or from your vacation or trip!!

June Blogging Prompt | Day Twenty One

Tips For Beating Blogger Procrastination?

I think the main thing would definitely be, just to find a good head space and do it anyway. Whether you are procrastinating to do it or not. Just doing it and getting it done would make you feel 10x better than if you sat there and didn’t do anything.

Going outside, going to a different place for awhile and trying to strum up new ideas about what to write definitely helps me for sure. I recommend giving that a try! Beat that procrastination! Blog away!

June Blogging Prompt | Day Twenty

Tips For Newbie Vegetable Gardeners?

Alright, I’m going to be completely honest. I’ve never gardened a day in my life, but if I did – or even if I decided to take on that hands on adventure and would want some advice myself, the advice I would want someone to give me would definitely be just to have fun with it. Practice makes perfect! No garden is ever the same, and every single garden – whether it is big or small is so beautiful and unique because YOU made it that way. Just do what you want to do, make it how you want to make it and above all – just have fun with it!